More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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