Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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