I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
