Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
