I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
