when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
worst night to have a conscience
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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