Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
