We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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