Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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