Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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