I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
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Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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