Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
