took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
