How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize