remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
