Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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