he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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