She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
