i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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