took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
zippers are such a cool invention
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying