I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
