he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
