I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
