im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
