I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
