dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
