ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize