Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
