Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
