It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
