4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
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Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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