We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
