so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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