i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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