It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
