Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
