Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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