You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
