I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
