Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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