Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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