My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
