it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
