If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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