did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
