ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
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I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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