Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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