Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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