I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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