god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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