It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
