well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
