i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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