Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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