I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have aggressive nipples.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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