I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
