brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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