I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
