why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize