Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
