Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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