is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
