what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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