Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm like, not good at living.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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