My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
