yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
