the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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