I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
