Define "chronic" masturbator.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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