The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
