I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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