did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
