this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
